reboot

i want to revive this blog. i have been trying to recall the initial impulse for putting it up in the first place. i do remember that i started this blog at a time of major transition, at a time when one could not afford to think in terms of what's certain or uncertain, when what was there was all that was there, when one was always only half aware of things coming to an end, of the potential tragedy that underlined every innocent, hopeful, gesture. when all acts were, after all, just symbolic of other acts. all of those leading up, ultimately, to this. this life, this work, this job, this apartment, this set of friends, this afternoon, this cup of coffee, this sore throat, this insistence for a stick of cigarette. whatever this is, it has remained, more or less unchanged, in the last four years. of course, then, prior to this, i had no means to recognize those episodes for what they were. the mind is amazing that way. it puts up these shields, making the body invincible for the time being.

when this blog was put up, it only had ten, or maybe less, links. and that seemed to have been the point then. it was part of a conversation, a small gathering. i know that it is probably too soon to romanticize those times. but, i want to revive this blog, nevertheless, because i want to recreate those times. (maybe this rebooted blog can be all about the question: what were "those" times?).

i want to fabricate again that space, that voice, which was both innocent and weary, intimate and open, hesitant but ready. ready to disappear, whenever it had to.

i will not make any commitments. and this blog has no one to commit to. but, for the time being, this blog is alive again. and will contain only, or mostly, live texts, live entries. if there is such a thing. all texts are essentially dead. only the author is ever alive.