really sick of words, and of reading, of writing. of hearing them being spoken, lyrics to songs being played. music makes me want to scream. the sounds explode into little shards of colored glass piercing my head. bile rises to my throat.
one afternoon, theater students were playing some perfectly decent pop music at the FC lobby. i was on my way to a meeting at the dept. office. i had to run to the toilet to puke. i had to chew on strong mints on the way back. i hate to look at mouths forming words, transforming faces. such an effort having nice mr. edwin to just hand me the medical clearance form, with minimal talk. i sometimes have to listen very intently to myself, to know that i am still functioning. i also have to tune myself out other times, so i can go on talking to people i like, but also protect myself from the noise i'm creating. it's exhausting. really. if there is hell, this must be it for me.
i am blogging because i want to cure myself of this sickness. force myself to deal with them, when they're at their most evil.
but i've also found that alcohol helps a lot. drinking with people i like makes words kind. words smile. look pretty. smell good. chewy and juicy. really.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
yes, i find that the alcohol does help improve one's situation. so kelan tayon inom?
Post a Comment